Yes. I finally got kancho'ed.
(I have no idea how you conjugate a verb like that)
For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, check the wikipedia page for Kancho before reading further.
My home branch here in Hiroshima is a bit unusual in that it doesn't offer kid classes. This means that most of the staff there are those who have specifically requested to not have to teach kids. I was just put there by chance but I wasn't really complaining. It's not that I fear teaching kids or worry that I'm bad at it but I just prefer talking with adults. Some of the high school kids can be alright but so many of them spend 90% of the lesson staring at the table.
A few months ago things changed a little. One day of my schedule was changed so that I would be trekking out to a kids-only branch to teach a bunch of kids classes back to back. Talk about jumping in the deep end. I can't imagine how difficult it would be for someone who'd never had siblings or younger cousins. I still found it pretty intimidating, trying to control a class of kids between the age of 3 and 12 while trying to impart a little English as well. Thank heavens I've had a bit of experience looking after my cousins and baby-sitting. I still think I'm dangerously unqualified to be teaching kids but oh well.
It's certainly taught me a lot of interesting Japanese (which I mentioned in an earlier entry on this blog). In fact that's one of the things I enjoy most about teaching kids. Listening to them chatter away to each other in Japanese. As soon as there is any silence one of the kids will pipe up, it's impossible to keep them quiet unless I'm doing something to distract them. Of course most of the kids assume that foreigners can't speak or understand any Japanese. I've had kids say, upon meeting me for the first time, "wow, you have a strange face" or "why are you so hairy?" in Japanese. It doesn't offend me at all, in fact I love the honesty and relish the chance to learn new vocab (even if it is childish vocab). That sort of honesty is something that is almost impossible to find amongst adults in Japan (huge generalisation I know, so take it with a cup of salt). I'm not saying I really really miss random idiots on Brunswick St telling me to get fucked or they'll happily put their fist in my face, but the odd insult certainly does make you all the more aware of how polite Japanese society is (on the surface at least.)
So onto the juicy details.
It was a kinder class (kids 3-6 years old) and we were part way through singing "Heads, shoulders, knees and toes" (a big hit with these kids since it has easy actions and vocab that they are somewhat familiar with) when I realised I had lost visual contact with the trickiest little girl in the class. I always wondered why she tried to get around behind me. I've known about Kancho for a long time but once I arrived in Japan I somehow forgot all about it. I thought she was just sick of my face and wanted to hide. No, no. She wanted to bury her fingers up sensei's pooper. Luckily for me my suit pants that day were nice, thick, strong, woolen ones. Every other kid in the class saw my facial expression and knew what had happened. They burst into hysterics while I spun around to face my conqueror. She had one of the most evil grins I've ever seen on a little girl. Still clutching her fingers in the telltale Kancho style she backed away from me cackling all the while. I floundered for a moment, not having the faintest idea how to deal with this situation.
Without thinking too hard about the potential consequences I snapped at her and blurted out "DON'T DO THINGS LIKE THAT!" in Japanese which brought a thunderous silence to the room. Amazing how quickly you get some respect when you demonstrate that you can say the same things that Mum and Dad can say. The little girl was stunned for a moment but quickly gained her composure. Much to my surprise she did not resume her usual cheeky, obstinate behaviour but instead bowed a little and gave me a short, obedient "hai".
My schedule is back to normal now so I'm not teaching any kids. I do miss them occasionally but I'll be glad if I can go the rest of my time in Japan without having my anus violated.
